This is not my life, it's just a fond farewell to a friend...

Maybe this reveals that I'm a sad bastard, but this month is the two year anniversary of Elliott Smith's death. I was too young to remember Kurt Cobtain's suicide very well (though I remember a little), and the last musician's death I can recall that affected me was Layne Stanley of Alice In Chains. So when I heard the news two years ago, it was right around my mom's birthday. (I remember it being within a few days of the 19th) Oddly enough, within a few days of the one year anniversary of Elliott Smith's death, was the death of one of my closest family friends. Hence October is an odd month for me now. In any event, no one around me understood why I reacted to this musician's death. I heard a lot of, "Well, he was just a musician, it's not like you knew him", or, "His music was depressing anyway, so was it really a shock?" I had answers to every response I got, even if they weren't justified. Whether or not I saw it coming, or whether Elliott Smith's music was depressing or not, mattered little to me. It's still the ending of a young life, one that had so much more to offer the world, and so much more talent to share.

I won't make any assumptions into what was going on with Elliott Smith at the time of his death, or even speculate on whether it was a suicide or not; that's simply none of my business. His family has made a lot of effort to keep his personal life private, which to me is how it should be. However, it's still eerie for me to now hear songs like, "Between The Bars", "Independence Day" or, "Fond Farewell" and not think about what was to come. "The potential you'll be/that you'll never see/images stuck in your head..." A lot of people tried to pick apart From A Basement On The Hill, the record released after his death. I know that journalists are supposed to write about these major events and such, but aren't these articles full of speculation? They had little to go on, except a fairly small discography that seemed to ask more questions than answer any. Then there's releasing a record after someone's death without knowing exactly how the artist wanted it; but that's another story entirely.

Yes, I am one sad bastard, if you can call it that. All I can do is keep Elliott Smith and his family in my thoughts, hoping that wherever (or whatever) he is, he's content.


Now Playing: Elliott Smith, "Fond Farewell"

With the roar of cars and the lulling of the cafe bars...

Reason #9 why I don't like Livejournal: really disturbing icons!
I was perusing a favorite LJ music community, when I stumbled upon an icon that read, "What a fuckin' wonderful world" and behind it was a picture of people hanging themselves. Yes, hanging themselves. I'm sorry, but who finds that funny? I found it quite disturbing. Sure, I had those lame, unjustified feelings in high school of "abandonment" and such, but come on. One day I will do a post about why I don't like Livejournal--and why I do.

In the meantime, I'm still recovering from last night's Angels/Yankees game. It was, hands down, the best game I've seen all year. Absolutely nail-biting, pitch-by-pitch gloriousness. Now this is why I love baseball as much as I do. And how elated was I to see the Yankees get eliminated in the first round of the postseason! Yes, I have a dislike for them that pales almost all others. I'm pulling for a Chicago/Houston World Series. That would be both unbelieveable and amazing. (But it's more likely to be Chicago and St. Louis, err.)

OK, that's it. "Legionnaire's Lament" is officially my favorite song by The Decemberists. Wow.

Now Playing: The Decemberists- "Legionnaire's Lament"

If it takes shit to make bliss, well I feel pretty blissfully.

Personally, things have been on the weird side lately. I decided to take a pretty big break from Livejournal (of which I was quite involved), I am with a wonderful and fantastic guy (who also loves me--um, whoa), I'm almost done with school, and I'm working part-time at the school. Oh, and my CD collection seems to be constantly growing, so much so that it never seems quite fully updated.

So, at the same time that I enjoy having so much to do--between Friday and tonight, I have cried twice. Now I'm not much of a crier, really. I can't figure out what combination seems to be leading to such a reaction, except horrible cramps for most of today, which messes up my eating and sleeping habits. I walk around consistently tired, both physically and mentally. I don't have anything resembling a real social life, and yet I'm 23. Sometimes I feel like a 30-year old trapped in a 23-year olds body. I feel like I don't do much of what other people in their 20's do: I don't drink (maybe 3-4 times a year), I don't smoke, I don't party, I don't have a ton of friends...and I wonder why I'm the way I am! Give me music, coffee, and my man in any combination and I'm content. (Maybe throw in a good concert too! Heh.) Is it so wrong to be anti-social? I interact with people pretty much all day long with work and school--but except for my weekends and once a week w/the best friend, I really don't get "out" much.

There's still so many things I want to do and/or try; finally getting my AA from a community college, possibly going to law school, start riding horses again, do something more with my piano playing/singing, live in the Bay area. I'm both frightened and excited about what awaits me when I graduate at the end of November. I don't know how many more "new starts" I can take where I've failed. But I'm determined to do something great with my nine months of education and good grades.

Now Playing: Modest Mouse- "Dance Hall"

But now I've got to crawl to get anywhere at all...I'm not as strong as I thought.

Postseason baseball starts tonight, and I'm all kinds of excited! Between school, a new job, taking care of the house while my mom is gone, and keeping a minimal social life--I'm quite tired! But feeling content about it all. Sure, the days are long, but totally worth it. Tonight I get to relax, watch the Yankees/Angels game, new Gilmore Girls episode, eat some good food...and listen to all of my previously unlistened to music. Yes, I picked this subject line for a reason; I was listening to one of the mixes I made for my mom whilst in the car today, and it brought back all kinds of memories. I guess they were memories I wasn't prepared to deal with.

Don't blink, you might miss...

I finally got around to updating my CD collection, about as much as it can be at this point. I might be missing some things, but for the most part it's all there. I guess that's what Saturday nights are for, right? My boyfriend is at the Mike Doughty concert right now, which honestly, is a little frustrating. I couldn't go because a) gas is expensive and I can only see him every other weekend now and b) I had to help my mom finalize things before her trip to Europe on Monday. Yes, I should be seeing Mike Doughty at The Independent in San Francisco, but instead I'm listening to all of my previously unlistened-to music.

I could've gone out tonight with my best friend, but it's an awfully long drive and I'm trying to preserve my car. It's weird how fast time feels like it's flying by--it's already October! In approximately seven weeks, I will be graduating from business school. The craziest thing is, I'm on my way to graduating with honors. This is something I've never done before, ever. As in, ever in my entire life. The thought both excites and frightens me. I have one term left, and I just had my mid-terms yesterday. Wow.

Now Playing: The Killers, "Somebody Told Me"